As a preschool special ed teacher, my grad classes spent a large amount of time teaching us about the "grieving process" a parent goes through when finding out that their child has special needs. You think about "Will my child graduate high school" "Will they ever live independently?" "Will they have meaningful relationships, friendships and intimate ones?" and on and on and on. You are also taught to empathize with the parents and to help them focus on all the amazing things that their child is doing: he spoke his first word, he's 2.5 years old but thats a huge milestone. As special ed teachers, we genuinely go along for the ride with each family. We celebrate these milestones along with the parents and family of the child.
Nothing, not even all of the knowledge of how much families grieve when they know their child isn't "normal" could have prepared me for facing the fact that I myself am not "normal". Even though I have always known that I have done things my own way and that I have had to struggle with certain things in school, I always felt "normal" until this diagnosis was shared with me and I did my own research and discovered that it was a form of cognitive disability. It's been hard for me to cope with. While my parents are saying "it all finally makes sense, we just never knew what it was called." I am wrapping my mind around new information about why I have had so much difficulty in my job and in normal day to day things. It's relieving but its also changed the way I have looked at myself and not always for the better.
So this week has been really rough for me. After going to the neuropsychologist for an assessment I had a few really bad nights where I was very emotional and down on myself. This has given me a different perspective on the process that the families I work with go through. While I have been incredibly successful in my life and I am very high functioning on the Complete-ACC scale, I have had to cope with the idea that the dream I had as a child to be a teacher is not one that is going to be as easy for me as it is for everyone else. And it may not happen because its a dream that would involve pushing my brain to work in a way that it does not function well. I am looking forward to going back to the neuropsychologist to determine what affect the ACC has had on me. What difficulties I really have and how I can improve in those areas.
There is so much unknown about this disorder. So much that is a spectrum, what it looks like for me is not what it will look like for you. While so much of my life is becoming clearer as to why it was the way it was, there is still so much about the future that is unknown.
If there is anything that ya'll wanna read about from my perspective let me know! I'm glad I can share this journey with such an incredible community!
Signing off
Jamie
Hello Jamie!
ReplyDeleteAs another ACC'r, I empathize with you on your journey.
I was diagnosed as partial acc. I too now am dealing with the new normal. And how my past decisions, choices and events all makes sense. I've had a "wall" that I can't climb over. My thought process has been a slow motor. My Dad trying to explain to me how money is exchanged when you have a newspaper route at age 14 was very new to me and he wasn't patient either. As I now am a half a century older, it still is slow to process some things, but I see it as wiser in knowing. The best way I can continue with this cognitive disability , for me, is to just keep going and doing life as I have always been doing. Yes I'm ok make mistakes, but I won't dwell on the ACC as a crutch. It's a part of me, but I won't let it define me. If you have a desire to be a teacher , as I also am, then keep at it. Do what you feel you are capable of. Make improvements where you need to. We as teachers always do reflection where we look back and see where we were at our best, our strongest, our weakest, our worst. It helps to be insightful! Good luck on your journey! Be your best!